There's always a first for
everything. Some firsts are good, others not so much. In this particular
instance, it's absolute fun when it happens to others, but when you're the
victim, God be merciful!
The first time you get
addressed as an 'Auntie' or 'Uncle', you just go berserk or "off your
lemon", as Bertram Wooster would have put it. "What do they
think, those youngsters, so full of themselves? Do they feel, I'm past my prime
while they're still wet behind their ears, those young rascals?",
you silently fume.
As there's no handbook to
address people who aren't related to you, the monikers of 'Auntie' and 'Uncle'
jump right in to fill in the gap. It's a very Indian urge to show respect
towards people who are older than you and do so with a personal touch. So,
while addressing elders by name is considered outrightly disrespectful,
addressing them as Mr. or Mrs. XYZ wouldn't be as personal. 'Auntie' and
'Uncle' contain just the right amount of respect with that dash of closeness.
Time was when, for womenfolk, marriage held the key to those dreaded but assured gates to Auntiedom. As soon as one got married, draped a saree and put on sindoor, it guaranteed one's graduation from Didi to Auntie.
With changing times,
sartorial preferences changed dramatically. Saree gave way
to salwar kurta and western outfits. One couldn't determine
the marital status of a lady by her outfit or accessories anymore. This added
confusion to the already simmering brew of uncertainty.
Well, this trauma can befall anyone after a certain age. Your neighborhood kid, in all her innocence, perceives a big enough age gap and decides to bestow you with a polite 'Auntie' or 'Uncle', when you've only started college. "What!! I'm not even married!", you say. But is that or should that be a criteria? What if you don't get married at all? Will it save you from being Auntied?
It hurts the first time
when you hear tiny tots referring to you as Auntie. Then with years, the blow
softens. After you have kids, you wear the nomenclature almost like your second
skin. When you have accepted this reality, comes the second deadlier blow.
Suddenly, out of the blue, 20 somethings start calling you Auntie!
When I started getting
Auntied by 20 somethings, I realized how Westerners would have felt when their
jobs were Bangalored. Totally incredulous. Could this really be happening?
Realization of a bitter truth followed by a determination to play the game harder
(and strive to look, dress and talk younger in this case). Then finally, a
resignation to fate and a grudging acceptance of the inevitable!
So what should the criteria
be, I wonder. Age? Looks? Marital status? After giving a lot of thought
to the subject, I've devised my own thumb rule. If a person looks my parents'
age, I use Auntie or Uncle. Otherwise, I stick to Didi/Bhaiyya or go by their
preference.
Youngsters, be kind when addressing people just a few years older than you. When in doubt, use Didi/Bhaiyya or even a name, maybe with a ji, if you can't resist the urge to be respectful. Trust me, you will get the most grateful looks and will be blessed enough to achieve your next big start-up or foreign vacation dream.
For all those who have Auntied
me irresponsibly over the years, have
either forgotten the laws of karma or the power of lists.
But karma does work (and so do lists, if you do them right).
In addition, what goes around, comes around. Now that I have a sweet little
weapon to unleash, I have decided to go a-visiting everyone from that
list.
I'll be there to record your memorable moment when my seven-year old innocently asks 'Auntie, can I please have a cookie?" Your look will change from utter confusion to pure disgust to mortal horror, faster than a chameleon changes color. You'll whimper, "What! Me...an Auntie!!!?? You can have all the cookies in the world but only if you don’t call me Auntie!" At that point, you might catch me smiling a smug smile, like the cat who has just licked the creamiest of milk.Yeah, the revenge sounds utterly satisfying.
Now, did you just hear a knock at your door?
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