The Old Order Falleth.....

I find myself making more and more condolence calls these days. What's gone wrong, I wonder. Then, I realize and though it's as clear as daylight, it hits hard. 

I now lie in the demography where parents are getting old. The waves of time are crashing at the shores of life and chipping away at its fragile walls. A friend's Mom passed away due to cancer. Another friend's Dad submitted to heart attack. An aunt was taken away on account of an illness. 

Well, illnesses are just an excuse. The real killer is time. Those sentinels of my childhood, who once looked sturdy and invincible, aren't able to contain the vagaries of time. 

These seniors have all touched my life at some point or the other. A friend's Mom was an integral part of school lunch hour with the delicious pickles she packed. Another friend's Mom welcomed us with mouth- watering goodies whenever we visited them. An Uncle dabbled in homeopathy and dispensed neat little packets of pills for our common complaints. Another maintained a lovely garden and would share fruits of his labor with us. Someone sang very well and played dholak at every gathering. Another neighborhood Auntie had us in splits with her dance moves. A friend's father was strict and told us off if we were too loud and in turn made us burst into suppressed giggles.

They all are wafts and weaves that make the rich tapestry of childhood memories. From seeing them regularly during childhood, to meeting them when they visit their married kids during adulthood, their presence is always reassuring and full of warmth. They bring back a whiff of old days. They give a feeling of wellness and completeness. As if 'All is Well' with the world.

Now, whenever I get news of anybody's parent passing away, I realize with great sadness, that time is indeed fleeting and life is just a bubble which can burst anytime. It gives a new perspective on time. So whenever I meet a senior citizen, be it a relative or friends' parents, I like to chat with them and hear their stories. Like it or not, our days with our seniors are limited and we should make the most of them.

Make memories, get kids to spend as much time with them as possible, take a ton of pictures, learn life's lessons, hear their stories from days of yore, sit with them, talk to them, make them laugh, share our favorite memories of them, pamper them. 

Because soon, the wheels of time will turn again, and this time, they might not be around to share our victories and joys or soothe us with their words of wisdom, nor to bless us with all their heart or to complain with all their might. They will not grace our lives anymore. And that will be a deep, deep loss. 

Wait Till You've Been Auntied!

There's always a first for everything. Some firsts are good, others not so much. In this particular instance, it's absolute fun when it happens to others, but when you're the victim, God be merciful!

The first time you get addressed as an 'Auntie' or 'Uncle', you just go berserk or "off your lemon", as Bertram Wooster would have put it. "What  do they think, those youngsters, so full of themselves? Do they feel, I'm past my prime while they're still wet behind their ears, those young rascals?", you silently fume. 

As there's no handbook to address people who aren't related to you, the monikers of 'Auntie' and 'Uncle' jump right in to fill in the gap. It's a very Indian urge to show respect towards people who are older than you and do so with a personal touch. So, while addressing elders by name is considered outrightly disrespectful, addressing them as Mr. or Mrs. XYZ wouldn't be as personal. 'Auntie' and 'Uncle' contain just the right amount of respect with that dash of closeness. 

Time was when, for womenfolk, marriage held the key to those dreaded but assured gates to Auntiedom. As soon as one got married, draped a saree and put on sindoor, it guaranteed one's graduation from Didi to Auntie. 

With changing times, sartorial preferences changed dramatically. Saree gave way to salwar kurta and western outfits. One couldn't determine the marital status of a lady by her outfit or accessories anymore. This added confusion to the already simmering brew of uncertainty. 

Well, this trauma can befall anyone after a certain age. Your neighborhood kid, in all her innocence, perceives a big enough age gap and decides to bestow you with a polite 'Auntie' or 'Uncle', when you've only started college. "What!! I'm not even married!", you say. But is that or should that be a criteria? What if you don't get married at all? Will it save you from being Auntied?

It hurts the first time when you hear tiny tots referring to you as Auntie. Then with years, the blow softens. After you have kids, you wear the nomenclature almost like your second skin. When you have accepted this reality, comes the second deadlier blow. Suddenly, out of the blue, 20 somethings start calling you Auntie! 

When I started getting Auntied by 20 somethings, I realized how Westerners would have felt when their jobs were Bangalored. Totally incredulous. Could this really be happening? Realization of a bitter truth followed by a determination to play the game harder (and strive to look, dress and talk younger in this case). Then finally, a resignation to fate and a grudging acceptance of the inevitable!

So what should the criteria be, I wonder. Age? Looks? Marital status? After giving a lot of thought to the subject, I've devised my own thumb rule. If a person looks my parents' age, I use Auntie or Uncle. Otherwise, I stick to Didi/Bhaiyya or go by their preference. 

Youngsters, be kind when addressing people just a few years older than you. When in doubt, use Didi/Bhaiyya or even a name, maybe with a ji, if you can't resist the urge to be respectful. Trust me, you will get the most grateful looks and will be blessed enough to achieve your next big start-up or foreign vacation dream.

For all those who have Auntied me irresponsibly over  the years, have either forgotten the laws of karma or the power of lists. But karma does work (and so do lists, if you do them right). In addition, what goes around, comes around. Now that I have a sweet little weapon to unleash, I have decided to go a-visiting everyone from that list. 

I'll be there to record your memorable moment when my seven-year old innocently asks 'Auntie, can I please have a cookie?" Your look will change from utter confusion to pure disgust to mortal horror, faster than a chameleon changes color. You'll whimper, "What! Me...an Auntie!!!?? You can have all the cookies in the world but only if you don’t call me Auntie!" At that point, you might catch me smiling a smug smile, like the cat who has just licked the creamiest of milk.Yeah, the revenge sounds utterly satisfying. 

Now, did you just hear a knock at your door?

An abridged version of this piece was published in Deccan Herald on 24th March, 2018.  http://www.deccanherald.com/content/666180/wait-till-youve-been-auntied.html