Bonding over Outages

As power outages used to give us an opportunity to bond with our neighbors, internet outages give us an opportunity to bond with our own family members.

In my childhood days, long before power backed-up apartment living, we used to face power outages frequently. These would be spurred by rains or simply by state ordained power savings. A cry of "Arre, bijli chali gayi..." would bring our lives to a temporary standstill while someone scurried for laalten or candle and someone else would grope in dark for torch or matchsticks. We kids would be overjoyed for getting a genuine excuse not to study and

secretly hoped the outage to last at least till our bedtime.

Sometimes we continued working in candle light. But soon enough, it would be time to go on terrace. Our neighbors would have also gathered on their terraces and gossip sessions ensued. We kids played hide and seek or ghost and watched stars. We looked for Dhruv taara and Saptarshi and tried to guess different star signs. Some astronomer types would tell us about Venus or Mars and we would nod along appreciatively. If we got lucky, we would also spot a shooting star. The world looked so different bathed in a veil of darkness. Soon, we got acquainted with that scary shadow and figured out it was nothing but a branch of our own mango tree. It looked so innocuous in daylight but nights gave it a menacing look. Sometimes, we spotted jugnus. It was magical to see them. They looked like tiny lanterns, flickering messages in a secret language. Frogs,crickets and other creatures lent their music to chords of night. The world seemed a bit more primal and interesting without electricity and for that brief while, we felt one with nature. Jokes, stories and small talk with neighbors gave a nice touch to the whole experience. It was with a twinge of regret and grudge that we accepted electricity back intoour lives. It was difficult to transition from the world of nature to the world of electricity, so to say.

Only when TV invaded our lives, did those power cuts start to pinch a little. We hoped with all our little hearts, that there would be no power cuts between 8:00 and 8:30 pm on Wednesdays and Fridays, as we waited for our precious Chitrahaar. And please, oh

please, have mercy, we prayed to higher powers, that there would be no power cuts between 9 am and 12 pm on Sunday mornings, otherwise we would miss our He-Man, Disney and Rajani. 

The other night, I and my husband were predictably sitting with our respective devices, engrossed in our own digital worlds. Our 6 year old daughter was reading a book. Suddenly, my husband appeared from his trance and came to play with our daughter. He had already spent an hour playing with her a while back and I looked quizzically at him. "The Internet is off and I don't know what else to do!" he said answering my look. Ah! The mystery was solved. Since I was also trying to load a couple of pages, albeit unsuccessfully, I joined in their game. Suddenly, internet outage had made us bond for that hour. We played a board game, laughed and had fun. And I secretly hoped that the internet wouldn't revive for a while!

PS: This write-up was published in the 'Right in the Middle' section of Deccan Herald, 11th November 2016.

http://www.deccanherald.com/content/580403/bonding-over-outages.html

Come Navratri, my heart beats for Gujarat!

People wonder what they would do if they win a million dollars in lottery. I KNOW. If I am rich enough to jet set the world at my whim, I would go to Gujarat for every Navratri. Well maybe , Gujarat for half the Navratri and West Bengal for Pujo for the other half. 

I would go and shop at Law Garden (Ha... still at Law Garden after a million dollars??) or in the bylanes of Ratanpol, Manek Chowk, Rani no haziro, Lal Darwaja and Dhalgarwad. I love the old markets, the narrow lanes, the bustle, the roadside shops, the surprise waiting at the next corner, the pheriwalas with unknown treasures....no, I don't really dig malls. I would buy authentic chaniya cholis with kacchhi embroidery - nine for the nine nights with matching jewellery - and then jet set all over Gujarat for the most authentic garba venues. I am mesmerised by the way everyone moves and swirls with music. It's like being controlled by a master puppeteer who tugs everyone with a giant, invisible string. Front, front, front, twirl, back, back, twirl, hop...it's all so amazing. So before hitting the dance floor, I and my friends would learn garba from a local aficionado. After all, going to garba is no fun until you go with dance-loving friends and know the moves. 

For, what is festive season:
If you aren't buzzing with what to wear and where to go. 
If you aren't scouting for that perfect attire or a matching accessory. If you aren't soaking in the atmosphere of decked up shops and haggling customers, waiting for your turn to strike a bargain. 
If you aren't getting hassled by dressing up and getting the right look. 
If you aren't getting complimented on the final outcome which vindicates you of all the senseless hours devoted to the pursuit.
If you aren't decking up your little one and admiring her to bits. 
If you aren't telling her why we do what we do on festivals.
If you aren't listening and gyrating to garam masaledaar khaati meethi vaangi and sanedo. 
If you aren't exhilarating in the beauty and vibrancy of it all. 
Yeah, what is a festive season if.....

I missed it all in Bangalore. I came here to enjoy Indian festivals better. Funny? But true. I continue to miss it here too. Though I have been to a garba here and a better one than in Bangalore, I miss the spirit. Still waiting for that one soul satisfying Navratri. Are you listening, Universe?

One moment.....

One moment is all it takes to change your life

One moment is all it takes for your happiness to take flight

One moment is all it takes to furrow your brow

One moment is all it takes to disrupt your now!

The power of that one moment can be devastating. Beyond imagination.

That moment in which you experience a body ache which leads to the discovery of a terminal illness.

That moment in which you get the news of a loved one's death.

That moment in which you meet with an accident.
That moment after which the world will never be the same again. For you. 

People will go around with their daily tasks. The milkman will deliver milk. The school bell will ring. The traffic lights will turn yellow, red and green. The sun will rise and set. But your world would have been turned upside down, never to be the same again. Your perspective will change. Your days and nights will be drenched in tears. You will struggle to find the why. Then you will try to cope, make your peace and carry on in some way or the other. But the world will never be the same gain.

Enjoy the beauty while it lasts. Be grateful for the moments that are uneventful. Be grateful for everyday which has been the same. If the day has not shaken you up, you are good. You might not be able to enjoy each moment but be aware that it could have been worse. Make hay while the sun shines. Live it up!

The best gift ever for your kids

As parents, we are always concerned about well-being of our children. We are running around to provide them with best of everything. From schools to activities, vaccinations to financial plans, toys to clothes, we try to cover it all. Why do we do it? Because we want to see them happy and enjoy life to the fullest. But in pursuit of the above, we forget to gift them with one of the best and most important things that will affect their lives in quite profound ways. Our health.

In last few months, I have seen parents of my friends undergoing surgeries and suffering due to ill-health. I have seen friends juggle their schedules and various responsibilities to cater to their parents. That set me thinking. Would my daughter have to do the same for me? Can I save her from spending her time taking care of me?Accidents, disabilities, congenital issues and general deterioration aside, a human body would function quite well if it is reasonably taken care of. Food and exercise are twin pillars of this well-being. Even inherited diseases can be kept at bay with a thoughtful health regimen. 

Families are turning nuclear and introvert. One or two kids are the norm. The pace of life is such that everyone is overwhelmed with work. Who would like to be burdened with an ailing person in such conditions? Will your kid be able to enjoy the hobby that you so painstakingly cultivated in her or him? Your kid, who is trying to manage her time and resources, will end up spending them on you. She might not grudge it, but let's all accept, there are better ways to spend these. 

Ill-health is draining in every way, be it financial or temporal. We often say that we wouldn't stay with our kids or burden them in anyway when we turn old. We strive for our financial independence to that end. But are we sincere? Is that enough? Will your kid not feel morally bound coming to your help if you are in distress? No doubt, the dough is important but more important is health. With spiralling medical and caretaker costs, the dough can diminish in no time. However if you are in good health, you will be able to enjoy your money and time in more meaningful ways. If you want your kids to enjoy the fruits of your and her own hard work, you should work towards gifting your healthy presence in her life and not a sickly one. Gift her peace of mind and not a constant anxiousness around your health. 

I hear of a person who never saved any money for his retirement. When retirement came, he looked utterly shocked to see his empty account. Would he gain any sympathy? 'What else did he expect? If he was not saving monthly, how did he expect a goldmine to appear magically in his account?' you would snigger. So don't be surprised when at retirement, a blank health account stares you in your face since you haven't been depositing any healthy food or workout in it on a regular basis. If you are not exercising, you are working towards 'bure din"- not only for yourself but for the whole family. The first one to suffer would be your spouse and the second in line of fire would be kids. The choice, as usual, is yours. The implications, unfortunately, will be borne by others. 

So Moms and Dads, cook one dish less, take your kids to one class less, give up that TV show, cut down on your sleep, whatsapp or facebook time or whatever your poison is and do those pushups and cardios. Go easy on excuses and gung-ho on workouts. You will then live happily, not ever after of course but till whatever is your due time, without being a burden on the apple of your eye.

Of course there are matters beyond your control that can make all your exercising and good nutrition fall by the wayside. Old age can be punishing in many ways. The best you can do is to sail into it well prepared. You can then be peaceful in the knowledge that you have followed your dharma. 

The joys of being an aspirational writer

I was at this writing workshop where they said - to be a good writer, you should be a voracious reader. Read, read, read and then, read some more. I think I hit the snooze button soon after that because that's the only thing I seem to remember. 

Thank God, they said that! I can be in bed whole day sipping coffee and pretending to be hard at work. Reading humor columns by Bikram Vohra and feeling like I'm working. Oh, the blessings of being an aspirational writer :) 

What about writing? That's for another day because can't you see, I am preparing to be a writer.

A Case for Men's Handbags

I have a strong feeling that ladies handbag is a conspiracy against womankind. It's a contraption to make women lug stuff around. To that end, it's been glamorised, projected as a must have accessory, and boy! so successfully that women pine to own not just one, but several and are ready to pay a bomb for them too. It has become a fashion statement and women love to carry them even at the risk of injuring their arms, necks and shoulders. 

I agree, it's based on need. Men have pockets. Women have bags. All fair there but as you get out of single life, men's pockets are still for themselves while women's bags become a free for all. All things that a man can't carry in his pocket, find a respite in a lady's bag. Picture a family outing. Dad is hands free whereas Mom is saddled with a bag. Let's have a look inside this bag. Hankies or tissues - in case of runny nose or smudged hands, a little snack, a bottle of water, coupons for shopping, house keys, shopping bags (if she is a green person like me), a pen, a little notebook, sanitiser, safety pin, an umbrella (depends on weather), charger, a band-aid and what not! Of course her wallet, phone and makeup also manage to find a place in the bag. 

During my student days, when our class went to an industrial trip, there was a guy who carried a camera around. He would always request a girl in the group to put his camera in her bag. To carry a backpack for a camera was just too much work and it was convenient to pop it inside the nearest available bag and who else would be carrying a bag but a lady in the group!

In Singapore, I spotted a guy holding his girlfriend's handbag. Over my few days' stay there, this was a recurring sight. I found it to be quite endearing. If men didn't carry their own bags, they were at least ready to give respite to their better halves. They did it with quite an aplomb too. But back home, if I ask my man to carry my handbag for a while, he would consider it no less than an act of hara-kiri. He would look around furtively lest he is caught red (bag)-handed by an acquaintance, then grudgingly carry it for the minimal possible time and dump it back on you like a sack of hot potatoes at the next opportune moment.

Why can't men carry man purses or satchels? Yeah, man bags are available in store shelves but are quite rare on men's shoulders. Ladies, why don't we encourage menfolk to carry their own bags? I am quite looking forward to the day when I am not carrying a bag and still all my stuff is accessible because my husband is carrying a man bag. So if you are looking for a gift for your beloved this Valentines, do consider a man bag for the man in your life. Trust me, you will thank me for it and so might he!

PS: I am not a manufacturer or retailer of man bags. This write-up is purely for the good of womankind.

This write-up was published in the middle section of Deccan Herald http://www.deccanherald.com/content/528942/a-case-mens-handbags.html

Do you have well wishers? Find out here....

In this whole wide world, you have only a few well wishers. Have you ever wondered who they are? It's not who remember your birthday year after year and wish you assiduously. It's not who Whatsapp you everyday or dutifully like all your posts on FB. It's not even the 2 am buddy who listens to you patiently while you cry your heart out.

To find out who your well-wishers are, you just have to attend a big fat Indian wedding or some such celebration. The best test conditions are offered before the wedding reception, when there is no beautician to help anyone or at least you because you are not highest in the hierarchy of guests. It's that occasion for which everyone has brought their finest clothes and jewellery. The functions, as is their dharma, are running late. There is a lot of pressure on everyone to get ready in time for baraat. You have to fight on various fronts. Tie that heavy sari, put on jewellery and makeup and do your hair. Now is the time for THE litmus test. 

When those pleats play rogue and refuse to fall in place, who is your dame in shining armour, who comes to your rescue armed with safety pins and we-can-conquer-it attitude? 
When that eyeliner gets uneven or smudged and your eyes look blacked-out rather than smoky, who comes to your aid with a cotton wad and cleanser? 
When that tika is flipping around like fish without water, who provides succor to it with body glue and a few hairpins? 
When you don't know if you should tie your hair or let them loose on humanity, who comes up with an honest advice and help? 
If someone does come to your rescue, then congratulations, my dear reader, you have found that rare species of a well-wisher. 

Moms generally fall under this category as do masis and sisters. But you never know for sure until they have passed this agnipareeksha. You can't blame them because the stakes are quite high. Everyone wants to look their best and mind you, they also have their own battles to fight. It takes sheer love for someone to make time and help them. In short, to dedicate time and energy for someone else to look good, needs pure, unadulterated love. Period.

It's not just about skills. There are many who are well versed at this stuff but wouldn't care to apply their expertise on you. On the other hand, there are a few who don't know the ABC of decking up. They still fumble along endearingly and hover around you for moral support. They even go out as emissaries scouting for help, looking to rope in more skilful people in your quest for beautification. You can't help loving them, those selfless souls, can you! Hug them tight and say a big thank you. I'm telling ya, you can trust them with your life, no kidding.

PS: Even if you don't use this as a test, just enjoy this theatre of fellow women getting decked for an occasion. It's one of the most entertaining reality shows you'll get to watch!

How would you like to die

Our revered Ex-President APJ Abdul Kalam passed away. His final moment came swiftly and while doing what he loved the most. Meeting young minds, interacting with them, bringing forth myriad issues concerning the nation and prodding the youth to find a solution.

Steve Irwin, the famous 'Crocodile Hunter' and wildlife expert from Australia, died not only doing what he loved but also by what he loved - wild creatures. He was barbed by a sting ray.

Phil Hughes, the Australian cricketer, died playing cricket.

Ayrton Senna, the Brazilian racing star, died on tracks while driving his car.

Maharaja Jaisingh of Jaipur died playing polo, the sport he was  sopassionate about.

So what would be I upto when I die? 

Weaving dreams? Making plans? Whatsapping? 

And what would I like to be doing when I die?

I think I know this. Maybe researching something on nature. 

Where would I like to die?
In the lap of nature, on a bed of moss. With a merry stream gurgling by and a meadow of luscious green grass in sight. With a few majestic mountains (snow capped) as a backdrop and the sun streaming in. I would like to die in morning. Yes, I love the sun. 

As to the date, I think I've an inkling of when I will die. 
I was born on 21st day of a month which was a full moon day. 
I was married on a 23rd, which again was a full moon day. 
I feel that I will die on the 25th day of a month - whichever happens to be a full moon day, thus completing janam, paran and maran (birth, marriage and death), the three most important events in one's life, all on consecutive odd full moon days. Morbid, eh? But beautifully symmetrical, wouldn't you agree!

Dear reader, do contemplate on how you might die. If you don't like what you see in your mind's eye, do less of that and more of how you would ideally like to say goodbye to this life. It's never too late or even too early to think about it!

Are we "settled"?

Now that we have made the move, we are invariably asked, "Are you settled?" It set me thinking. What does settling down really mean? It might mean various things to various people, but to me, settling down means that:

• I have found that cosy nook in the house where I can curl up to read a book or write down my musings
• I have found a similar haunt outdoors where I can soak in the sun and watch the world pass by or gaze at nature
• I have organized all cupboards and can locate stuff without opening all of them and rummaging through suitcases
• I know which brand of milk to buy or cheese to pick up without reading the ingredients (so as not to end up buying milk supplemented with fish oils!)
• I know green household cleaners and toiletries and know where to get them
• I know what to buy from which store
• I know where to drop my recyclable garbage
• I have replaced all the yellow lights in the house with white lights
• I  know all kindergarteners and their parents at the bus stop
• I know quarters from dimes and can confidently pay the exact change
• I know a park and can take little A there whenever I want
• I become a member of the library and start issuing books 
• I can rattle mine and D's phone numbers without batting an eyelid
• I have enough pots and pans and dishes so one person doesn't have to wait till another finishes her milk ;)
• I am associated with something - a cause, an organization, a job to keep me occupied

Most of the above is yet to be done, so you get the drift. But if having an apartment, a few pieces of furniture, a couple of friends and little A joining school, is enough to be considered as "settled" for someone so young in the country, yeah we are settled. For all practical purposes and let's take the middle path - we are settling down, one day at a time. Thanks for asking, dear family, friends and well-wishers!